S1E7: Meaningful Existence

What does it truly mean to live a life filled with purpose, and how can you find your own? Join me in a heart-centered exploration of purpose birthdays and what it looks like to really embody your life's mission and the importance of self-introspection and pushing ourselves to do hard and scary things to become the best version of ourselves.

I dive deep into the concept of purpose, the role of relationships in our lives, and the danger of self-deletion in unhealthy connections. I discuss how listening to your inner voice and trusting the journey can lead us to our true calling, and I remind you that a life full of joy is your birthright.

So, buckle up for an inspiring and transformative conversation that will leave you empowered to step into your own purpose-driven life.

Chapters

• 0:06 Celebrating Purpose Birthday and Meaningful Connections
• 12:25 Discovering Your Purpose
• 23:53 Relationships, Self-Deletion, and Inner Wisdom

Transcript

Andrew Carroll: 0:06

What's up, family? Welcome to the Axé All Day Podcast. I'm your host, Andrew Carroll, a modern menstrual and facilitator. I illuminate opportunities for integration and growth through storytelling, experiences, and technologies. So I invite you to sit back, relax and enjoy the vibe as we embark on this epic journey. Oh, what's up? Axé All Day family, so glad to have you here on what is going to turn out to be episode number seven of the Axé All Day Podcast, and it's a very special episode because it is

Andrew Carroll: 0:56

That's a drum roll. It is my purpose birthday today. Yo, it's my purpose birthday today. And before I get into what that is, i want to tell you about some of the really cool things that happened today, because purpose birthdays are incredibly special And some incredibly special things happen today.

Andrew Carroll: 1:17

One I got to meet up with a dear, sweet brother of mine. His name is Tanner. We met when we were both in the Air Force back in 2006. Immediately, moved by knowing him as a person, i knew from the jump that he knew who he was, that he was ruthlessly committed to himself and what was passionate, what he was passionate about and what's important to him. He exuded this air of certainty, this sense of self assurance that I don't know that I had ever really felt before from another human being, and I was impressed by him. But it wasn't the kind of thing Tanner's so approachable. He's such a beautiful human being, he's such a beautiful man And his chosen path in life, his purpose, what he loves to do, are truly, truly hard things. Tanner loves hard work, he loves love, he is a passionate man And when he invests himself in something that is important to him, i know without a doubt in my mind and Tanner does as well that he's going to accomplish it. And to have someone like that in my life as an example, as a dear brother, as a friend, who, as we shared today and we caught up on what we've been up to and what's been going on in our lives, we found out that we have even more in common as we do a very specific and certain kind of inner work and processing.

Andrew Carroll: 3:03

Now, it's always, it's always a treat to talk to Tanner And everyone who knows him I'm sure, would tell you the same thing because he's in love with life. He's truly in love with life through, whether that's experiences or nature, or knowing himself being a family man, being fully dedicated to his purpose in life. That's, it's just, it's amazing. It's amazing. And so to find out that we both shared this deep, deep love and respect for going inward and working with our shadow and integrating those pieces of ourself and truly doing those hard and scary things, that self introspection, that introspective work, it was so incredible. And to see the container that he's creating for his son, that that little man with parents like he's got is going to change the world, absolutely going to change the world. So just a huge shout out to Tanner and his family, his parents, everyone who's connected with him Just thank you for showing up the way that you do. You make a difference every single day, whether you know it or not, and I am a better man for knowing you And I just wanted to express that and shout you out. And just people, people like you are beautiful gift man, absolutely beautiful gift.

Andrew Carroll: 4:40

So we are hoping to connect and do an episode or maybe two with Tanner later in the year. You guys are not going to want to miss that. I'm getting chills thinking about it. I haven't even begun to tell you his whole story And I want to save that for him to be able to share at his pace and his time. What he, what comes up for him in the moment because I know I'm just filled with love and just spirit is moving so big in me. Tanner and his choices and his ability to persevere under the most incredible of conditions will change your life, and so to be able to be in a place with a friend like that, with a man like that, and to connect with him and help tell his story and share that with the world is my highest purpose, and so, on my purpose birthday today to be able to meet with Tanner and reconnect on such a deep level. It was incredible And I wanted to share that with you guys.

Andrew Carroll: 5:54

Second, as I'm sitting here feeling this deep love, the second very amazing thing that happened today is I was able to MC and host a music video premiere today. It was an incredible event. The band the Night Cry invited me out. I was in the music video as an extra when they filmed and we just we connected. They recognize the energy I brought to the event and in that space we all had a great time. And so they reached out to me for this party, for this appreciation party for the world premiere of their music video Finders, keepers And they asked me to MC because of how I show up and the kind of energy that I bring, and I was so excited to work with them because I will only work with people who are on a mission that I believe in.

Andrew Carroll: 6:53

That's why I will obviously work with people like Tanner. That's why I will work with creatives like the band the Night Cry, because every member of that group is living in their purpose. They are making intelligently designed moves to grow their band and their presence and they're working hard and they're dedicated. They know their values and their why And those are the kind of people that I'm open to working with. They're in integrity and all of our interactions and everything that we've done together they have been in integrity and true to themselves And that's what it's all about at Ache All Day, and so those are the kind of people that I surround myself with.

Andrew Carroll: 7:36

So I was blessed with this opportunity to MC this video premiere on my purpose birthday and their premiere day, and it was so incredible to just be out playing with my friends, doing what's in my heart, sharing my gifts and skills and talent to be a connector and a hype man and a motivator and a seller and a lover and just holding and creating this space for everyone in this room to connect and build energy and support of these beautiful, creative people who have created this beautiful experience audially, auditorily and visually. So, man, that music video drops on June 29th. It's just a few days away. It is the 25th today. I believe the 29th is Thursday and you're not going to want to miss that. So go to YouTube, go to the night cry It's the night cry and give them a subscribe and a follow and check out that music video when it comes out, because I was there on set working with some amazing actors in the band Aaron Fury He's going to be on the show. We've got in conversation with some of the band members to be on Axé All Day and kind of talk with us about their process individually And it's just. It's been so amazing to see everything behind-the-scenes and then to be present and participating at an even higher level, able to share what I bring to the table in support of their creative energies. The final product in this video was shot by Tetra Knot. I believe it's productions, but Tetra Knot T-E-T-R-A-K-N-O-T. You can find them on Instagram and Facebook. They crushed it. The final finished product was incredible.

Andrew Carroll: 9:36

That music video stunned everyone. People were feeling feelings, they were having experiences And it was so beautiful. Everyone got so much great press, so much great feedback And I was honored to be part of that. You know, the band has invited me to be their emcee for their first shows in Seattle. I'm incredibly honored by that And it's because I showed up as myself, true to myself and in service to others, because I know my purpose And that's what the purpose birthday is all about. So what is my purpose birthday? What is that? Well, it's kind of obvious right Purpose birthday. Purpose birthday is the day that you knew, without a doubt, that this is my purpose and this is the path that I am meant to follow. So what was that like for me?

Andrew Carroll: 10:37

So on June 25th 2022, i was in Germany, in Sarbrook, and with a dear friend of mine And working on business, brainstorming, doing breathwork, yoga, meditation, all these kinds of things, and really just exploring and playing at the edges and and working together to combine in combination for creativity. And it just hit me. I was laying there taking notes, just being in my body, being present, breathing, and all of a sudden, i just felt this like chonk And I vibrated everywhere and I like there was discharge and energy coming into my body And this shaking happens, and I knew in that moment that my purpose is to be a poet, to be a modern minstrel, to to use my voice to help illuminate possibilities for others, to integrate and grow, and that is what I have been working on and towards since June 25th of 2022. It was an incredibly transforming experience, absolutely mind-blowing, and so I want to open up this conversation even more and I want to ask you down in the comments or hit me up on email or however you want to get a hold of me. I'm available to chat with you.

Andrew Carroll: 12:25

Have you had an experience like that? Do you know your purpose? When you found your purpose, did it hit you like a ton of bricks, or is it something you feel like you've known since you were a little kid, or even further in that? is it something that you've known since you were a little kid And then, at some point in adulthood, you were finally able to give yourself permission to follow that path? What was it for you? What does it look like If you don't know your purpose? what does that look like? What does that mean A? We're going to take a little bit of a detour and we're going to talk about what if I don't know my purpose. So, if you're not sure what your purpose is, what I'm going to invite you to do is continue to try everything. Do not be afraid to try new things.

Andrew Carroll: 13:23

Our society, for so long, had been programmed to have loyalty to the company, loyalty to the brand, loyalty to this, to stick with it, even if you hate it. Just be ruthlessly committed to this thing or that thing external to you, no matter what. You stick it out, you live the American dream. You just grind away, and that's terrible advice. That is terrible advice, seriously. You have a birthright of pleasure and joy and freedom and love, and selling your soul for money to do stuff you don't like for extended periods of time is going to kill you. Yes, i am not even exaggerating. So, in that same vein, right, it also impeded generations of people from finding out truly their purpose and their happiness and their joy. It did, and so you have an opportunity now that you know this or maybe you were already thinking these things, or now this is new technology and new linguistics that you can carry with you every single day. You can trust yourself, follow that inner voice, try everything, try new stuff constantly. There's no shame in being like, hey, i tried this for a while, didn't like it, moving on. But I'll tell you what. I'm certainly glad that I didn't stick with, just as an example, the Air Force for 20 years.

Andrew Carroll: 15:07

I know plenty of people who are active duty, who have retired, who will retire soon, and that's great for them if that's really what they wanted And it must be, because that's what they did And they're going to get a retirement check and they're going to get this and they're going to get that and they have all these other things And okay, great. But man, some and some people do some people perform amazingly well. Some people are phenomenal. They don't become toxic, they're very healthy, and I'm not the person who comes to mind right away. I will not name their name, but I wrote a poem about him and I called him our beautiful lighthouse keeper because he took care of everyone, even though he was having his own personal struggles. He took care of everyone. He went out of his way to. He was amazing at his job. He's an amazing man, just absolutely beautiful person.

Andrew Carroll: 16:01

People like that who stick it out until the bitter end, and not necessarily happily, but they feel fulfilled and being part of something that's bigger than them, so to say, and that's beautiful and take nothing away from that. But in the vein of not trying new things is stagnation. If you weren't fulfilled in your professional role, in your business, in your education, in whatever it is that you're doing, whether you I mean you might be the CEO of a company, maybe you're an entrepreneur, maybe whatever, and you don't like it, you don't enjoy it, it doesn't bring you joy. Get out and try something else.

Andrew Carroll: 16:45

Truly, life is too short to not be juicy every day And it is our birthright to have a juicy life every day. So that's my biggest advice to you Your purpose will find you. There's no rushing to it or away from it or anything like that. The more things that you try, the clearer that you will become, because you will have had those experiences for yourself. And as you build on those and you become more clear because clarity is a hugely important gift that we must create for ourselves And sometimes the universe will smack us across the face with a huge teaching that allows us to better see what is meant for us, and sometimes that means the universe burns that mother fucker down and takes everything from you in order to free up the space to give you a million times more than you ever thought possible.

Andrew Carroll: 17:42

So be afraid And be brave and courageous and still take action. Do not let that fear paralyze you. You are worthy. It is your birthright to walk in your purpose with a ruthless commitment to yourself. And in that, in that purpose, in that ruthless commitment to yourself, you get to create value for your tribe, because you will be a fully integrated and expressed human being who gets to show up powerfully for other people. And that is the mark and measure of a value creator. My beloved family hear me again. You get to show up as a beautifully fully integrated and expressed human being, a divine soul having a human experience, and create value for your tribe and your family working in your work. Ah, there is nothing better. So that's a purpose.

Andrew Carroll: 18:49

Birthday, my friends, purpose birthday is the day that your purpose shows up. It knocks on your heart, it says what's good, family, i'm home, are you ready? And the only thing to say is yes, right, because it can come back around again. Everything is a repeating cycle. Until you decide to change it, it is a spiral down or a spiral up. It is balance. That's what we're after every single day. That's what the work is all about. So, as you go into this, your purpose might change, and the goal is to create even more clarity around it. So I know today, right now, in this moment, that I am a modern menstrual, that I am a facilitator and that I illuminate opportunities for integration and growth through storytelling, experiences and technologies.

Andrew Carroll: 19:49

That is what was downloaded for me. That is what was downloaded for me. Now there are things that can be uploaded for you as well, and I'm working on some explanations for that. But we want to be really careful about uploads. Downloads, divine Uploads. That could be some ego-based stuff, but I'll talk about that more in another time. But also, the ego isn't bad. Okay, come on. I have an ego. You have an ego. The ego is meant to be in service. When the ego runs the show, this is not best for everyone. It's not even best for you. In fact, it's awful for you because you're going to make resistant patterns in the energy waves of your vibration, and it's going to be awful.

Andrew Carroll: 20:44

Something else that we'll talk about at a later date is resistance training, and what is that doing to interrupt or disrupt your energetic receptions? Literally And that's a tough one for me, because I really enjoy the gym I do. So I am working on some programs and some ideas that help me balance that resistance training with flow training. I'll just give you this right off the top I like some inverted breathing. I haven't seen anyone else really talking about that, but it is a strategy for breathing that is counter-intuitive. I like it quite a bit. I've been practicing it for about a year now. If you're curious about that, hit me up and we can talk about it. I'll see you in a minute.

Andrew Carroll: 21:33

So how are you feeling? What comes up for you when I tell you about purpose, birthday and the incredible gifts and blessings that have been happening? I'll be honest I got completely dissolved and shattered. I have coming up what I used to call a death day in August and we'll talk about that more later And that is actually that's an adult conversation that we are going to be having about that. But I'd no longer call it a death day because what I realized recently was that it's an integration and love day And I don't want to go around killing anything. What I want to be doing is breathing life into things. I want to be giving life to things. I want to be creating things, and so what happened in August of 2022 is no longer a death day for me. I am changing that and it is not necessarily a birthday, but it is definitely a solvett coagulate day.

Andrew Carroll: 22:40

But the point of that is that once I learned my purpose, i knew that I had to make some significant changes in my life. And they hurt family. They hurt, they were not easy. Some of them were made for me and that hurt because I thought I was in control of everything. Even And as I moved further along the path, i realized that I'm 100% responsible for everything that happens in my life And that can be terrifying until you really realize and embrace that you can trust yourself And if you can trust yourself, no one else is responsible for what happens to you And that can come along with some really big up swells of anxiety and fear and just like, oh my God, this is so much. That may happen for you. It definitely happened for me. It's not a one-time thing, but as you're doing the work that we talk about on Ashe, all day, all the time, as you're doing that work, what is going to happen is that you're going to get comfortable loving on those teachings. That's wisdom, baby, yes, my family, that is wisdom.

Andrew Carroll: 23:53

Anxiety, depression, jealousy Oh, i got pages on jealousy Boy. Did that get a bad rap right? Wow, i'll do a whole episode on jealousy. You're going to want to hear that. They're all teachers, my family, they are all teachers, beloved.

Andrew Carroll: 24:13

And the issue is that we're resisting them all. We're pushing them all away. We don't want to sit with the icky, the dualistic view of good and bad feelings and emotions and thoughts and this and that, bro, just go ahead and just divide yourself, bisect your entire body. Are those pieces of you? Are they going to survive? No, they're not. And it's the same thing When you're pushing those things away. Sweet family, this is so sad because we're so many people are doing this and I still do, but then I'm able to ground myself and come back in.

Andrew Carroll: 24:54

But imagine that you're John Wick, trying to get yourself back in or back out or whatever, and now you've got to cut off a finger of your emotional body. That's what you're doing. When you're pushing these feelings away. You are removing an emotional digit from your emotional body, you're removing an emotional limb from your emotional body and then you're trying to carry on with life as though you are a whole body, but you've literally been cutting off pieces of yourself, and that may be self deletion and preservation of relationship And I will say that again because that is an issue, man, as I look back on past relationships Self deletion in preservation of relationship. So what does that mean? Self deletion in preservation of relationship means that you are willing or open to literally like cutting off your own emotional arm to try to preserve the relationship, and this is incredibly toxic behavior, one for you and two for your partner, especially if they aren't healthy. Especially if they aren't healthy And if you're both prone to doing it, you will end up as tiny grains of sand, remnants of who you were meant to be in order to remain in a relationship. That is unhealthy for both of you because you have trauma bonded. It hurts like the visceral reaction in my body to that idea of like. I've been in so many trauma bonded relationships guys and girls and family. I'll just go with family, and I'm sure you have too.

Andrew Carroll: 26:48

It's a huge thing in our society And if we look we talked about social programming, breaking the societal programs last week is what was on the docket And man. The impression that is given to us constantly on in TV and movies and music is just this overwhelming, overarching message that relationships are this devious, awful thing and that everybody should be in one, but they should be looking outside of the relationship for validation and sex and, like you know, all these things, and it is destroying people. It is absolutely destroying people. So consider that truly. Consider that trauma, bonds and bad relationship is more valued in our society than being single and healthy and well. You are literally incentivized financially through social programs at work to be in relationship whether an unhealthy relationship is what is modeled and to have children and to consume. So self deletion and preservation of relationship is a real thing.

Andrew Carroll: 28:12

If you end up in a relationship with someone who is narcissistically abusive or if you don't like those kind of diagnostic or labeling of behaviors someone who gas lights you, someone who is abusive, someone who hits you, any of those kinds of things I am 100% responsible for what happens to me. In every relationship I've had, i have shown up poorly. I have been responsible for my affairs, my infidelity, my lies, my all of that. I am responsible for allowing someone else to treat me in that way because I didn't feel like I was worth being treated well. I was more concerned with being in relationship than I was with my own health and well being or the health and well being of that other person. Please don't do that to yourself. And if you feel that way, you got to do the hard work, you got to walk away And a lot of people won't change until the pain of change is less than the pain of remaining in the relationship Kind of human nature. It takes a very rare person who is willing to take those steps And I know a couple of people like that.

Andrew Carroll: 29:33

Our relationship ended because a person that I was exploring with felt that she needed to do her work on her own And I have nothing but respect for that. It hurt And it took me a minute to sit with those feelings and to not spiritually bypass, truly to be able to be like man. I really thought there was something really special here. It was beautiful, but I got so many lessons out of that And I have so much respect and love for that person still to this day because she did the hard work and she said I need to do this alone. I will always adore you, but goodbye, ouch, fucking awesome. Strange stuff, man, strange stuff, but it's so good, it's all so good. So, purpose birthdays, so dope.

Andrew Carroll: 30:24

Trust yourself, right, because you do know what you need to do. You may not want to do it, but you know what you need to do. The still small voice inside of you, your intuition, all those things are guiding you. You are a beloved member of the family. You are a beloved and value-added member of the tribe and we all want you to do your very best. Yeah, and I know you're doing your best. I know you're doing your best, even if you're acting out a shadow and you're repressing things right now. I know you're still doing your best. I know you're tired, i know you might be scared, i know you're confused, i know it kind of feels like there's just static all over you. So we've talked about a lot today.

Andrew Carroll: 31:07

We just hit the right around the 30-minute mark And I just want to take this opportunity to do a little meditation with you. So if you're driving, maybe hit pause and pick this up when you get home. If you're at home and you're in a place where you can lay down and close your eyes, and we're gonna do the corpse pose from yoga, right? You just pretty much just lay on your back comfortably. So I'll give you just a second. Go ahead and get that rolling. As you do that. I'm gonna just take a couple of breaths for me. Okay, so you're comfortable and you're in a space. Now Your eyes are closed.

Andrew Carroll: 32:08

I want you to just release your breath, focus on nothing or everything. Just allow your body to breathe, because it will Be with whatever comes up right now, in this moment, sweet family, whatever is there for you. That's your inner wisdom, that's your body talking to you. So I invite you on your next exhale this isn't timed, remember, you have surrendered to your breath and you've let go, and you've let go, so you're gonna be able to breathe, so you're gonna be able to breathe, and you're gonna be able to breathe, and you're gonna be able to breathe, and you've let go and you are just breathing, naturally. It might be shallow, it could be deep, it could be rhythmic, it could be galloping. There is no right or wrong, there's just the breath.

Andrew Carroll: 33:16

On your next exhale, i want you to name what has come up And I want you to name where it is located in your body. For me, i feel this sense of global peace throughout my body. I feel some tension in my trapezius muscles, my upper shoulders, my upper back. So I'm gonna breathe that out. And now I want you to catch up with your breath, be present with your breath, embrace your breath, long and slow, and I want you to breathe. And I want you to breathe, and I want you to breathe Long and slow And in your own time, whatever that looks like in these long, slow breaths into the belly. I'm going to be silent in my breath as much as possible, but I want you to accept this invitation to make some noise as you exhale anything that is not serving you in this moment.

Andrew Carroll: 34:48

As you exhale and you release those things, maybe you notice that there is a peace being poured down from the top of your head, this calming, energetic, golden peace, slowly moving from the top of your head down and through your brain and through the skull, revealing the eyes with this bright aura, relaxing the jaw and the neck, releasing all of the tension on its way down the spine into the shoulders, relaxing in the chest and the back down into the belly and the torso, the lower middle back, your kidneys and liver, intestines, bladder, your stomach. Oh, now to the golden peace just radiating comfort and love into the hips and the root chakra. Let it be present and collect here for a moment as you breathe into that pelvis and hip area, feel the golden orbs develop around the ball socket, the hip joints, the sacrum, and just give a peaceful release of tension, gently melting it away to be exhaled from the mouth. Be present as you inhale and notice that glowing golden peace that has encapsulated those sockets and the sacrum, that it is an opportunity to anchor this well-being at the very foundation of your body, in the center, as that tension releases and the golden peace begins to flow gently down each leg through the genitalia, the hips again still the thighs, the hamstrings, golden peace into the knees and the lower legs, and we are present with this area of our bodies that is often overlooked as the golden peace again just provides its healing opportunity to release the stress and tension that is ever present there, that is not serving us any longer and can be released.

Andrew Carroll: 38:11

In this breath. Going down into our feet, the golden peace moves into a pool that is always connecting us energetically to the ground, whether we are at the top of a skyscraper or in the forest with our toes, buried under leaves and grass, in the dirt. This golden pool is your holy ground and it goes with you everywhere you go. It is underneath you in your bed, it is on the sidewalk, it is inside your shoes, it is under your feet, it is all around you as an aura and a light, golden, peaceful, resolute, comforting. Just the love that is, this golden peace, that is your birthright, given to you by creator, by universe, by you. Surrender to the breath again. Surrender your breath again. It may be short, it may be deep, it will be relaxed And I will leave you with that today. Carry this peace with you as you continue on your journey. I love you. Family. A Japan—Ishaiylene편집や檃湾树潤. Может habitats tune in next week.